Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step 9 is where we go back. Not to apologize — an apology is words. An amends is action. We return to the people on our Step 8 list and we acknowledge what we did, we make it right wherever we can, and we change our behavior going forward. Sometimes making it right means repaying money. Sometimes it means correcting a lie we told. Sometimes it means simply showing up as a different person to someone who had given up on us. The promise of Step 9 is among the most specific in the Big Book — those who work it thoroughly report that their lives change in ways they had not thought possible.

We get stuck by wanting to make amends on our own terms and timeline — by softening what we say, by wanting credit for the amends, or by bringing up the other person's wrongs at the same time. A Step 9 amends is about our side of the street only. We also get stuck on the exception: 'except when to do so would injure them or others.' This requires honest consultation with a sponsor. The exception is narrower than most of us want it to be.

Step 9 looks like calling someone we have avoided for years. It looks like writing a check. It looks like sitting across from someone we hurt and listening to how our behavior affected them without getting defensive. It is uncomfortable. It is also, for most of us, one of the most freeing experiences of our recovery. The weight of what we carried begins to lift amends by amends.